As I began my morning yoga practice, I noticed my T-shirt was on inside out and backwards–also, an apt description for my just finished meditation session.
Next, my mind flashed to yesterday’s Facebook memory link to a blog post I had written four years ago, “The Quiet Teachers.”
Mark Nepo says we know these quiet teachers by their “lessons [that] dissolve as accidents or coincidence…offering us direction that can only be heard in the roots of how we feel and think.”
Rather, they directed it. The mindfulness that escaped me in meditation was fully present in my yoga flow. That is not unusual; it happens frequently. But this morning, there was joy, the joy of release.
“Be serene in the oneness of things and erroneous views will disappear by themselves” (Seng-Ts’an).
Thanks to my inside out and backwards T-shirt, I find relief in no longer having to maintain my current façade. I meet my anxiety, my wild mind and open to them. What swirled like a whirling dervish, slowed to a marbling; a soft, mesmerizing flow.
I was not finding solutions—sometimes they come—I was getting to the root of my emotions, the depth of feeling that scared me so much I created a façade in order to cope.
I am anxious about hip-joint surgery, a common procedure—I’ve been told it is the most successful prosthesis surgery. I believe that. But I have been using it as a mask, pushing deep my fears about the complications chronic illness brings to any surgery.
Until this morning….
When the quiet teachers came to call.
In gratitude, I remove my mask.
And then, I right my T-shirt.