As I wrote not too long ago, my every day dose of energy does not always include writing a daily post. I suspected that might be true when I began Aim for Even (AFE) so I set the first milestone for this blog at 365 posts.
It is not a coincidence that there are 365 days in a year. It seemed a good marker and still does.
The heart of AFE is exploring the energy of each day to its fullest. For me, it’s helpful to recognize these as daily doses.
As someone who is chronically ill, I find it beneficial to open myself to the day with the energy I have rather than the energy I had hoped. Rarely, are the two the same but I suspect that’s true whether one is chronically ill or not.
This coming week, I am having the first of two hip replacement surgeries. I’m not nervous. Well, I don’t think I am. But maybe I am ignoring the question.
Currently, I’m struggling with autoimmune and spinal cord issues. I wish the energy that is the experience of these two diseases would balance itself a bit but it is in full flare. That is my daily dose for today.
Wishing is its own kind of weariness. Why bring that to the surgery? It is less than 48 hours away. I cannot know what energy will be available to me then.
More and more, I find contentment in questions. Sometimes, even peace. In curiosity, I am unconfined, slivers of light abound.
Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart
and try to love the questions themselves.
It is possible to live and not know.
Rainer Maria Rilke
I’ll let you know the questions I discover.