Yesterday’s Perfection

Possibilities no longer linger in a portrait of a day that was. Every yesterday is framed, in and of itself–perfect–some seemingly more so than others.

I’m not much on pulling from the past, even if it’s just a day previous but every day is its own energy. Sometimes, aiming for even means a look back.

So, here is my yesterday: I saw the x-ray of my left hip, six weeks after joint replacement surgery. It was perfect! So straight, certain–shiny!–unlike the erosive white of my bones.

My entire being filled with the possibility of walking, not only without a walker but going shopping, going hiking… all a gallery of yesterdays. Not my reality.

I returned my focus to the x-ray image of what is now my hip joint, sturdy and flexible. That is its function, its perfection. And for me, a moment of pure joy within the frame of chronic illness.

That reality has not changed but it does not diminish the joy. It lightens the maintenance of living with chronic illness. It’s so much more than a sliver of light.

With less pain, there is less demand on my energy on any given day. Once again, less is more. It’s an incentive to stay curious about what comes next.

That did not happen without six weeks of hard work or unexpected loss. But I do not dwell there, either.

I keep my focus on the x-ray, the joy of the “small change, small wonder— the currency of my endurance and ultimately of my life” (Barbara Kingsolver).

And then I leave to buy a small carton of cashew milk, chocolate truffle ice cream.

Aim for Even posts offer equanimity a dose at a time. No day or dose is ever the same, even if the aim is. You may read about the origins of Aim for Even here or on this site’s About page