The “Tiniest of Touches”

Yesterday, my neurologist advised me that the tingling/numbness in my arms–cervical spondylotic myelopathy (CSM) that impairs the function of the spinal cord–is caused by degenerative changes of the discs and facet joints in my neck.

The tingling will not improve nor will feeling replace numbness. I’ve known this since the cervical fusion failed in 2015.

But to know and to bear are sometimes different worlds.

In chronic illness, healing–or not–is more a matter of maintaining, especially when aging is involved. Given to seeking slivers of light, I trust in the ageless mystery of grace.

Even when I am offered a different life lens, like the one yesterday’s visit with the neurologist provided. What is possible now with my hands and arms?

You can build a whole world

around the tiniest of touches.

Carol Rifka Brunt

World-building is a balancing act. Ignoring tiny touches can mean a dropped egg or a broken plate. There is no precision in my reach or my grasp. I am most successful when I am completely present to my task.

Yet, I am not without strength in my arms and hands. I lift my collapsible walker in and out of my vehicle, the tiny touches tingling in my fingers and hands. My strength even surprises me at times.

I am world-building, a combination of strength and mindfulness. I suspect this is how we effect change everywhere, in tiny touches, and surprising feats of strength.

Aim for Even posts offer equanimity a dose at a time. No day or dose is ever the same, even if the aim is. You may read about the origins of Aim for Even here or on this site’s About page.

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