No Expectations, Just Experience

Maybe I always believed in “bursting the boundaries.” After 40 years of chronic illness, it seems so. This kind of “resistance” to medical expectations takes a certain amount of naïveté, and I don’t mind admitting that.

It also means staying in the moment, regardless of the experience it offers–no expectations, just experience. And sometimes, I burst a boundary, like today.

I have been released from the care of my orthopedic surgeon who could not be more pleased with my progress. The fracture of my right femur is healing “beautifully” and growing new bone. The hip-joint replacement was pronounced “perfect.”

Medical expectations had been low.

I knew today’s x-ray results would be fine because of how my right hip and femur feel. And the x-rays supported my body’s signals. X-ray is such a wonderful way to look within the body to its structure.

I was reminded of the fusion of bone that is taking place in my neck, even more bone growth. That was not the expectation, either.

As someone with chronic autoimmune disease, I’m not the best candidate for healing, especially with medications like prednisone and methotrexate. Medical skepticism is not unwarranted.

I don’t ignore expectation but it does not occupy my time.

My focus is on what I eat and how I live, in particular my daily practice of meditation and yoga. I stay open to my body’s signals; they are my purpose. Healing will or will not occur.

It is a matter of feeding my body nutrient dense food no matter how I am feeling. In fact, the worse I feel, the more critical nutrition is. A single moment might be one of physical pain, frustration, hopelessness, fear, and fatigue—and it might last days—eating is fuel, food is energy.

Hope drifts in and out of moments. I let it go. I remain present for my pain, intertwining medication with yoga, working with the meditative state in my day-to-day. I meet my energy and even out its fluctuations.

What is the point in yearning for what my body cannot offer? Why not work with what it can? After all, “life always bursts the boundaries of formulas” (Antoine de Saint-Exupéry).

So it seems, so it seems.

Aim for Even posts offer equanimity a dose at a time. No day or dose is ever the same, even if the aim is. You may read about the origins of Aim for Even here or on this site’s About page.

6 thoughts on “No Expectations, Just Experience

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    1. I agree, Val. It is working. This time, I’m not bothering to mention it to physicians. It just seems to be better that way for everyone, me included. Thanks so much for the support. Much, much appreciated.🙏❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Excellent news that you’re making healing progress – and zen, yoga and a sense of acceptance rule! There is some emerging science behind how that works, too, relative to auto-immune issues. I’m going to blog on it when I’ve dug into it some more.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Looking forward to that post, Matthew! As you know, I have been experimenting with both alternative medicine and medical science. At times, I’ve been rather stubborn about both. It is only when I have accepted or worked with the reality I have that I have learned or made progress. It’s slow going but it has a real solid feel to it, if that makes sense. It is always made sense to me that science has a major contribution here. As always, thanks for the support, Matthew. Much, much appreciated.

      Liked by 1 person

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