Every Day Zen
"Good work,” my neurologist said, adding, “easy for me to say.” We were discussing my relapsing-remitting cervical myelopathy. “It's pretty much a full-time job," was my response which did not surprise him but did me. In over 40+ years of chronic auto immune disease, I refused to see it as my full-time anything. Just the... Continue Reading →
“The house of cards still stands,” I say to my primary care physician, and only then wonder, “is that an apt metaphor?” She nods her head, as she continues to read my MRI report. I’ve already heard from my neurologist who favors monologue over dialogue. Nor is he one for metaphor or talking about arthritis.... Continue Reading →
What is in a crumb? Not joy, Mary Oliver has said, so what worth then, the crumb? It has matter, if not joy. Writing is more matter than crumb but when my chronic disease flares, words flee. I wonder where words go; I, too, would like such a refuge. Instead, I sit in fog or... Continue Reading →
Today’s #LongerView, “All Right Will Never Be the Same,” is a drive through Georgia, one that I take frequently, but not usually in the way I did in this post. It does involve the medical profession and the unexpected. I hope you enjoy the post. As always, I provide the swinging bench. Aim for Even... Continue Reading →
Today’s #LongerView, “The Undertow of Thought,” is about bringing the meditative state into every day, rather than escaping into the somewhat seductive and oh-so-subtle mental wandering we do: the what ifs and if only. It’s like an undertow, as we learn to swim with rather than against it. As always, I provide the swinging bench.... Continue Reading →
I am a reader of Louise Erdrich, usually during difficult times, not for solace surely but for life at low tide. Hers is no fictional escape but story, hard and raw, word by word. “You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to... Continue Reading →
“Bloom where you’re planted.” I can still see the poster. Standard blue-sky, sunshine background while in the fore, a yellow daylily, red tulip, or purple iris. I never bought the philosophy or the poster but I never forgot the words. From decade to decade they revisit, and this past week, I was glad to see... Continue Reading →
“There’s just so much wrong with you” a rheumatologist once told me. Finally, I thought, we are getting somewhere. Yes, we were. He dropped me as a patient. And it was freeing, at first, believing nothing could be done when there is just so much wrong. Some aspects of my health--diet and lifestyle--improved, but what... Continue Reading →
Progressing. Not how I usually describe chronic disease. I don’t think I have used that adjective in any of my previous posts but memory is unreliable. Always, it plays to audience. Over the last six months I have met with different specialists for different views and all have returned the same label: progressing. Yesterday, I... Continue Reading →
I put the bathroom scale in my bedroom closet--for now--as part of my Zen practice, which probably sounds like escape, and it might be, but as the Buddha taught, the practice is to live “not too tight and not too loose.” I’m familiar with life in the closet as a lesbian, a chronically ill adult,... Continue Reading →
Aim For Even: The Daily Dose 